...so why are you so close to it.
Yes, I see you there in my rear-view mirror. I realize that you would like to go faster. I assure you, I am also unhappy with my current rate of speed. The problem is that there is a car going too slow ahead of me. No matter how close you get to my bumper, I cannot speed up without crashing into the car in front of me. Tailgating me will not make that car speed up, I assure you. It's not like they're going to look in their mirrors and think, "Oh my, that car that is two cars back is dangerously close to the car behind me, I better speed up some." That's not how it works. I don't even know why I'm explaining this to you. My car is not that big, you can see the car in front of me.
As soon as I am able I will go around this car and go at a more reasonable rate of speed that I am sure you will be happy with. If that does not sate you, I will gladly move over to let you around. I am nothing if not a considerate driver. But for now, get off my bumper, because although I hate you, I do not wish you to get into an accident. Rather, to be more accurate, I don't want you to get into an accident with me. I really could care less if you get into an accident anywhere else. After all, you are a bad driver and I hate you.
*edited to fix typo
Why are you so full of rage?
ReplyDeleteIt is not rage. It is useful advice.
ReplyDeleteUseful advice, to be sure. Now if only we could actually convince the bad drivers of the world that they are the ones at fault....
ReplyDelete@David Rage? This is what we human beings like to call safe driving tips (aka don't be a dick driver).
ReplyDeleteFor future reference, it's "I couldn't care less", not "I could care less".
ReplyDelete"Could care less" is an acceptable American idiom. Usually I prefer the more accurate "Couldn't care less." However, here, for whatever reason, I chose the more American version. You might like this video arguing against me however. I certainly do. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=om7O0MFkmpw
ReplyDeleteI think this every time some twink is trying to floss my ass.
ReplyDeleteI CANNOT POSSIBLY GO FASTER THAN THE CAR THAT IS IN FRONT OF ME. (With the added condition that I choose not to crash willingly.)
I will move over when there is space -- I know you want to go faster.
However, if you keep riding my taint like this, I will slow down JUST to annoy you.